someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
