Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
