that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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