I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
