I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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