I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
