I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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