So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
