i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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