Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
