Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
