Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
