he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
