I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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