matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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