i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
