i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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