Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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