I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
