I love black thongs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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