: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
