I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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