Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The power of my boobs compel you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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