Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When are your genitals available?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
