i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
