you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
