There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
