Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
