I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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