shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
honey bunches of taint.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
