He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So squirting runs in the family.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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