i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
