splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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