I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
