Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
