I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize
