I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
