imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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