I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
...so i touched it.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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