We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
