Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
