you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
