I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
