Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
