After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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