look no pants
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
