dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
