today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
