i need an iv and a liver transplant
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
