this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
