On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
