I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
