ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
