Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
