You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
