how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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