you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
